Time to start what I promised and show off some of the more unique things I find on Etsy.  I think I hit the nail on the head with this one. Literally?

When I saw these earrings I had to take a peek at the rest.  If you've ever liked the look of plugs but can't stand the idea of stretching your lobes or you just need to have really interesting accessories, these are certainly for you. 

All of them are handcarved out of bone, wood or horn. It appears the bone and horn are a little on the heavier side and the wood is the way to go if you're looking for something lighter.  Also, most of them come with pegs made of the same material which is fantastic for anyone who might have metal allergies. 

The Etsy shop is called Eclectic Monkey, "Big Bold Organic Eclectic Accessories for Everyday Life."  Prices range from $10-$20.  Considering the obvious amount of hard work put into these, I'd say that's a steal!

photo property of shop owner carpedraco

Today I got word that my job will probably not be needing me for the first show of the season, the one I was counting on to pay the rent. My immediate response was total relief, followed by surprise since my normal reaction would be total panic.

You hear a lot about people who quit jobs to persue their life's dream. I have it pretty good. I get a long break between shows so there's no reason to quit just yet, unless you include my lack of enthusiasm, and the 18 hour days for 3 weeks straight that keep me from doing the things I love. Then I start to fall slowly into a steaming pile of guilt. Then I get grumpy and no one likes to work with a grump. Nevermind the confidence I need to muster in order to make a decsion like that.

So here lies the pickle. Do I take it as some kind of sign that I should keep plugging away here on the blog and consider the extra couple of months as a blessing? Do I panic and find other work? Should I beg the fella to find some high paying gig and take care of little ol' me?

That last one was funny.

When am I being too hopeful? When do I need to be "realistic"? Maybe I am being realistic! Maybe I am supposed to take a longer break. Maybe I'm just over thinking the entire thing.  Maybe I'm just telling myself what I want to hear.

I think the most important thing I have to keep in mind is how I reacted. Why is it that instead of total shock and disappointment, I felt more like I was freed from impending doom?

All I'm certain of is the happiness with what I'm doing right now. That's the point, isn't it? To really love what you do because we are what we do, right? Or did someone extremely wealthy coin that phrase?

I love being home. I love making my own schedule. I love my coffee, my desk, my books, my drawing. I love the struggle.

I do. I love to struggle. Not financially, but with my work. I need to work hard or I feel completely useless. All my young adult life, when I was being prepped for the real world, the number one thing I was told over and over is to be ready to work from the bottom. This excites me. I enjoy working for a higher goal. The difference now is that it's mine , not someone else's. As previously discussed, this is the hard part.

So what I have learned? I want to be my boss. Now if only my boss would tell me what to do next.

Rather than beat myself up for spending all of yesterday reading Blogher updates and being totally unfocused today, I chose to go to the bookstore.  I often peruse the writing section, hoping to find something that isn't completely full of crap.  I picked up Stephen King's On Writing  and read one of the first lines:

"This is a short book because most books about writing are filled with bullshit."

Sold.

I'm halfway through and it's had me laughing out loud and even a little teary eyed.  For those who are weary of Stephen King, it's not what you think. 

What's so different?  It's not only a helpful book about writing, but a look back into where he came from.  The writing is conversational and forward.  It's a peek in to Mr. King's personality which I find surprisingly friendly and relatable.

If you're at all interested in the art of writing, Stephen King or just a good read, you have to get this.  I am an insanely picky reader and don't recommend lightly.  Nothing gets me more excited than a book I enjoy so much that I can read it in one sitting. For my multitasking mind, this is zen.

I also picked up a couple Richard Matheson books. I'm a gigantic fan of his.  If you've only seen the movie I Am Legend and haven't read the book yet, I highly suggest you do so. It's brilliant.  

How about you? Any great recommendations?  I'd love to hear them. Always looking for something new!

Originally uploaded by RGP

Sometimes I see a photograph and everything just falls into place. Thousands of other times this is not the case.

Sometimes there is so much going on in my head that I have to just sit back and listen to my thoughts. A lot of the time it's just the Girl from Ipanema.

Sometimes when I don't feel like writing, I just start to type. Then, all of the sudden, it's the only thing I want to do and I can't stop and then I have to go back and edit all the run on sentences, and commas.

Sometimes I use the eraser too much when I'm drawing and I have to pull back and refocus. Every now and then something great happens but usually I just end up covered in eraser bits.

Sometimes I go to the kitchen and I step in cat vomit.

I have something to confess. This is what I want to do. 

It's hard to admit that.  Especially in a world where just about anyone can write a blog and be noticed. So what makes me so special?

I'm not a mommy blogger, nor do I ever intend to be. I'm not a total tech geek, though sometimes I wish I was, and I'm not selling anything fancy, not yet at least. 

In fact, this has sort of been my problem all along.  I'm not one of those lucky people who was born with a particular passion in life. I mean sure, I want to write, but what about?  I'm more of a passionate dabbler. I find that I actually learn the most from other people's obsessions.

When I meet someone so into with what they do, I can't help but latch on to the energy.  Their love makes me want to know more.  And it's all about meeting them. I can't just read it in a book, see it online or hanging on a wall.  I need to feel the emotion up close, hear the excitement in their voice.

For example, recently I was invited to an art opening over in the village.  It was a small gallery and as I suspected,  mostly filled with art that made me think "Really?  Can't my cat do that?" In fact, I was with Gypsy at the time and I do believe his direct quote was, "Is that a cat toy?"

So we're joking around under our breath when suddenly we were introduced to one of the artists.  This was his first exhibit in New York and he was so excited.  I mean beaming!  His attitude completely turned me around and on to his work.  I even told him that if I had the (ridiculous) $5,000, I would buy his installment.

You know what? I totally meant it.  I would have bought it not because I thought it was this remarkable piece of work, but because of the impression he left on me.  His attitude stands out in a world where most ooze a sense of entitlement. In my mind, this is the mark of true passion.

So where does this leave me?  Well after some deep thought it has become clear that I am passionate about finding my passion.  I may not know exactly what it is yet but I do know that I want to find it.  So this is my goal.

I guess that's been the idea behind this whole life changing experience in the first place.  It just took me this long to really start piecing it together.

Here's to one more step forward.

So, what's your passion?

I took the photo above at Prospect Park in Brooklyn.  In this post it represents a moment of reflection because I am profound like that.

Originally uploaded by RGP

I am feeling some major Blogher envy tonight as I read all the twits and blogs of the attendees. I hope I can attend next year. For now I'm getting myself ready to watch the podcasts and maybe even take a rare trip into Second Life for some of those events.

My latest in the 365 Daily Doodle Project/100 Things (Silence and Questioning):

Sharing my last two drawings from the Doodle a Day for a Year project. These are also numbers 13 and 14 of the 100 Things Project within a Project. 

I don't need any more projects thanks.

#13 - Misfortune

#14 - Smile

Some are old. Some are new. Some are barely touched. Some are full to the last page. Some are missing. Some are gone forever.  All of them are me.

Sometimes I have to look back in order to see what's ahead more clearly.  Today I looked back in the best way I know how. My journals.

I went in with the intention of finding some inspiration today. I guess you could say I got it in spades.  I found my entry for September 10, 2001.  I didn't even know I had written anything that day. 

It's nothing substantial really, except for the date.  I was sitting at an outdoor cafe before work, drinking coffee and watching early morning Manhattan pass me by.   I had just moved there days before and was on my first big NYC theater job.

When I read it, I wanted to reach out and tell that person they'll never be the same.  I wanted to tell her when she gets to work the next day, she'll be growing up fast. She'll gain a new outlook on life.  Everything will seem much shorter and most importantly, completely different.

Then I really start to think about it. Every journal feels like the beginning and end of a different side of me. The only constant is that I still write about it.  I always write about it.  I wouldn't really call it an escape like some do, it's more like a bunch of little 'come to jesus' meetings with my future self.  Reminding me who I was, what I do, who I wanted to be and who I've become. 

Today I am reminded that I am whoever I want to be, so long as I keep learning, keep writing and keep exploring.

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

So, how about you? Ever take a look back at yourself and find something surprising?

Originally uploaded by RGP

Inspiration, to me, is motivation.  Some mornings I wake up inspired, ready to take on the day.  However, those days are rare and most of the time I find myself having to seek it out.

Inspiration is my personal fuel.  I grab my creative moments from other people's creative moments.  Its what makes my little world go 'round. So when I find something that works, I take note of it and use it whenever possible.

One of my main sources? Music. I am not a musician myself, though I do dabble in song while cleaning the kitchen or taking a shower (naturally) and all my life I have been surrounded by good music and musicians.  For crying out loud,  I was named after one. 

Words have always been a musical prompt for me.  If I chew on a word long enough (or sometimes instantly) a song I know starts to play in my head. I now consider this to be a technique.  I find said song and play it over and over until whatever it is my brain has planned, comes out.

As I mentioned previously, I was struggling with my drawing project. Inspiration was nowhere to be found and I was drawing the same thing over and over again. Then I found the 100 Things list and thought "Great! Some inspiration!" and for the first few days, that was all I needed.

Then I started to over think it.  It was when I got to "innocence". 

"Innocence? Nothing is innocent!" cried my overactive brain.  I realized I was just searching too hard. Begging my brain for something unique and coming up blank.

Quite literally as I thought at one point I would just scan a blank page.  How profound am I?

So now I really listen to the word.  I guess you could say I wait for it to sing to me.  This has completely changed my way of thinking for this project.  It wasn't until now that I realized all my favorite drawings were completley inspired by whatever I was listening to at the time. Music genuinely effects my every emotion and in turn,  my imagination opens up to a new level.

So how about you?  I would love to hear what really drives you to write that next blog, draw that next piece or even get up and cook dinner.  Anything can be inspired, right down to what you're wearing today.  So what did it for you?  Have you created any inspiring techniques?   I'd love to know!  Maybe your inspiration can become someone else's.

The picture above is #12 of the 100 Things project. The word is "Insanity" and System of a Down was the music that inspired it.  It may seem like I only listen to heavy music but I assure you that is not the case. My taste is extremely eclectic and no genre is missing from my ipod. Seriously, I even have some yodeling.

I have finally taken the next big step as a blogger. They told me this day would come.

The fella gave me grief about something over the phone. I threatened to blog about it. It's like a new super power.

For now I give you this picture. Enjoy!