So I wrote an entire entry for about 2 hours before MovableType ate it up, never to return. At first I was pissed. Really pissed. But then I realized that I hated that post anyway and it was probably going to take me another hour to read it over and over and edit it until I decided I still hated it and never posted it anyway. So, thanks MT! You read my future and made it good!
All I really wanted to say is how I'm learning something new and terrifying about my artisitc self. Although I am completely and 100% against censorship, I am totally doing it to myself. I have some how cut off a part of me that, I feel, makes up who I am as an artist/writer/photographer and all because I......care what other people think. Eeeeeew!
No seriously, I do. I mean, I don't really care if people don't like my outfit or my hair or any of that crap (most of the time). I care about what they think if I take it "too far." Which is really, really weird because I firmly believe that shock and/or disgust is as good a reaction as laughter or tears when it comes to an audience. My professor and advisor in college taught me that when he chose controversial shows to put up on campus. He said he'd rather somene get pissed and walk out then have them not react at all.
I wish I had those guts.
But I guess you could just blame it on the playwright in the end. That would be pretty lame though....and not true.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I am not portraying myself truthfully. Sometimes I spew out picture after picture of trees and animals and sunsets. I draw picture after picture of faces with no expression, flower doodles and eyeballs. If I was looking at my stuff, I might assume that I'm some woman who lives alone with her cats, takes walks on sundays and has those wallpaper borders of flowers lining the top of my kitchen wall. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not at all who I am. Well except for the cats thing...but I'm not alone...well, not ALL the time...although sometimes it's a preference. Right. Maybe this does explain the flower portraits I took a couple weeks ago. Hmmm.
My point is this, although I love to see other peoples nature shots, sunrises and sunsets, cats and babies, because they are truly inspiringa lot of the time, I would rather create bizarre things. Interesting, not seen every day kind of stuff.
Another point that's come up while thinking about this is the thoughts we get when we view other people's work. Do you assume something about the person? Do you get a vibe about their personality at all? I know I do. Don't think that I believe everything I think though. Not by any means. In fact I'm pretty sure I'm BSing myself half the time.
Oh, and that photo up there. That's the boy sleeping and me being sneaky. It was taken with all the lights out, a 10 second shutterspeed and a flashlight. Sadly, as much as I keep reading to check the damn setting, I totally forgot to reset my ISO and so all the shots came out graaaaaaaaaiiiinnny. I'll remember next time!
Oh, and another thing. It's not that I'm not drawing, it's that Im a scanner slacker. For some reason my brain thinks the drawing process is not nearly as time consuming as the actual scanning, uploading and posting. Maybe cause it's the boring part.
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