Anyone who's had their eyes open in the (female) blogosphere for the last couple of days has surely noticed the insane response to a small happening at a large event. The great Dooce Vs. Bloggess misunderstanding of Blogher 08.
First let me tell you that I was not there. Second, you should know that I am a big fan of both of these ladies. I subscribe to their blogs and get excited when I see updates. Third you need to know that I am appalled by some of the responses. In a word: gross.
Of course, since I wasn't present, I've had to do some Googling to get to the bottom of what went down. Unfortunately I can't seem to find a single quote from the Dooce side, only the response. Naturally this might tip the scales.
So, I won't go over all the gritty details as I'm sure by now you've had enough (click links if you haven't). The bottom line is that a perfectly harmless post was brought up during the final keynote, of which Dooce was a speaker, and the entire thing seems to have been blown way out of proportion.
When you get a large group of women together, you're asking for drama. It's really no big secret. I've never had a whole lot of girlfriends in my life because of this and yes, it is out of fear. Not to say ALL women are this way, I just haven't met that special someone. I'm sure one day I will, but until then, I remain a skeptic.
Out of all the responses I've read, only one really seemed to hit the nail on the head. The ol' mean girl syndrome. As women we seem to be programmed to devour gossip, relish in it and spew it back out for anyone to take part in, and I'd say 99.9% of the time, we don't have the story straight. I believe the game is called Telephone?
I'm not saying I haven't partaken. In fact, I think I'm more afraid of "normal" women because I don't really consider myself to be one and even I can't help being lured in by some juicy gossip. Granted, I tend to keep it to myself and more often then not, I am laughing at the absurdity (to myself), but I am by no means an innocent party. I am writing this post after all.
So, I'm thinking at next years Blogher, and I'm being serious here, they should consider a panel on the topic. I'm not saying we find a solution, mean girls will exist until the end of time, but we do need to educate. A little peer leadership can't hurt. Maybe some walk-a-mile-in-my-shoes therapy.
I am certain that, as much as we'd like to think so, Dooce and Bloggess are not actually robots (or hobbits) and their feelings are just as sensitive as yours and mine. Kudos to them for putting on brave faces.
Very excellent idea.
Feeding your blog to LJ friends list, Bee Tee Dubs. [Because yes, I'm twelve and use LJ]
Wow! Thanks Todd, really appreciate it! Why do I feel interdumb though, Bee Tee Dubs? Googling! ha!
I'm glad to read a neutral comment on all the Blogher "drama". It's sad to me that what sounds like a pretty small incident has become *the* hot topic to come out of the whole event. I think your idea of addressing the envy of successful bloggers openly of Blogher '09 is a good one. It could really open up the community and maybe ease the gossip. Dooce and Bloggess are both so talented, we should celebrate them both without it becoming a blog war.
I was there, and I think that the reports are certainly missing a lot. But the reason I think that you aren't seeing things from the other side is that the TONE of the exchange was so obviously mean from the DOOCE side that the only proper response would be "so sorry," but that never came.
The thing the analyses are missing is that for Heather to say anything about a blogger in the room in a negative way was an abuse of power. When you are Heather, like Oprah, you can easily sway traffic to a site in a positive or negative way. Heather misunderstood humor, fine. She needs to either confront the blogger or work on it in therapy. But to try to slam her while onstage obviously reminded all of us that we could easily be hit by the big mean girls.
So when Jenny defended herself and apologized for unintentionally hurting her, without mentioning that it was hurtful to be misunderstood and slammed in public by someone more powerful, and Heather just sat there, of course the majority of the audience cheered Jenny and were appalled.
You aren't seeing mean women ganging up on Dooce. You are seeing good understanding women saying enough is enough to the mean girl Heather.
I think LS is on to something, although I think your idea of a panel is a good one. The bottom line is I can't see how anyone who has read The Bloggess at least once could have thought she was being anything other than reverential in her comical allusion.
And how about a panel on putting us daddy bloggers on a level playing field?
LS- It's great to hear from someone who was there! Thank you so much for taking a moment to fill us in.
I know it's a slippery slope for me to walk on here because I wasn't present. I think when I'm referring to the "mean girls", I'm thinking of the people who responded which such anger towards Heather and her family. I see that her response was deemed inappropriate and I probably would have felt the same way had I been there, but boy oh boy some people are really getting fired up. Some of the posts really surprised me at how far they took it. But hey, we all get riled up sometimes and either way, I totally get it. It's just unfortunate.
Uncool (which you totally aren't by the way) - I couldn't agree more. I think that's why it surprised me so much. In fact, I remember when I was originally reading that post I thought to myself "Wow! I wish i could be a mythical hobbit too!"
P.S. Daddy bloggers rule!
Seriously, it all sounds like lunchtime at my all girl high school 20 years ago. Kind of glad I didn't take the time or spend the money to go be a part of the drama.
I was there for the closing keynote and it was, oy, uncomfortable. No, that's wrong, it was UNCOMFORTABLE. But I'm refusing to take sides. Mostly because I love dooce and I had never heard of the bloggess until this all went down and I don't think it would be fair to judge either person. I mean, how can you if you're not really close to either of them? Sure, I might feel like I know dooce from her blog, but she could be playing us all for fools and could be the biggest bitch in real life. So, I would like to declare myself the Switzerland of the internets. Yay for chocolate!
Ry, thanks for the link.
LS, you are the first person with a strong opinion on the subject who has talked about this in reasonable terms since it happened, as far as I'm concerned. Like Ry, I was referring in my post to the crazy-angry commentary that blew up all over the place when I mentioned the "mean girls" stuff. Because NOTHING that has been said until your comment right here has sounded good or understanding to me at all. It has been vituperative and mean and hurtful.
Whether Heather is in actuality a mean girl is in my opinion immaterial to this discussion because she's not the one talking smack on the blogs and making herself look like a vitriolic shrew -- and THAT is what I was talking about. When people complain with substance, like you did, when they express a concern and make an argument, that's saying, "enough is enough." I respect that. I'm down with it. When they do what I see happening now, that's doing the mean girls playground wars thing, and that I have no respect for whatsoever.
Does that make sense?
Regan - HI! PLEASE save me some chocolate. I will be joining you in Switzerland immediately if not sooner. Ha! It's true, I think as readers, we make assumptions about who people are when we read their blogs. I also think this is totally natural, considering how honest the topics can be. It's just like watching your favorite celeb and assuming they're the perfect person we see on the screen. Man, reality stinks sometimes.
Kristen- I'm thrilled you stopped by and you made perfect sense. I think you just filled in some of the holes I left out of my post. It's the reaction that's appalling, not so much the event. These things are bound to happen unfortunately. It's how we perceive and react to them that makes the difference. IMO.
"It's the reaction that's appalling, not so much the event."
That's exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you. :)
kk
Preach it.
I was there - at the keynote. I was unaware of a problem until Dooce said something and The Bloggess addressed it - both vaguely.
I still don't know what it was all about (my choice) I just know it didn't feel comfortable. My opinion was it was something the gals (D & B) could have hashed out non-publicly... It was apparent Dooce was hurt, and Bloggess attempted an amends. Who knows D's level of hurt... and why she didn't appear to accept the apology.
I can't say, and don't want to judge this one. I have no idea all that went between the two in other contact. But I certainly think a great opportunity to set an standard/expectation was missed.
This is the first I heard of the whole thing.
I read both blogs and I did not think anything of when the Bloggess wrote the mythical comment thing.
I have found inspiration from both bloggers.
Your panel idea is interesting. There should be a panel on what to do after blogher. Because the drama flag has been flying high this past week.
Thanks for the post.
LS hits the nail on the head.
I agree with you about the mean girls, which is why I posted the video of Jenny speaking back. What amazed me was the number of people who thought Jenny was 'mean' for 'addressing dooce'...(???) As if?
Heather cannot accept an apology? Think about that. Most people cannot offer one. But accepting one?
Who has been the mean girl?
If Heather keeps her personal appearances down to a minimum, she may maintain her readership.
Hi Blogversary and Gwendomama! So glad you found me.
Part of me really wishes I had been there to see it all for myself. It appears to be something like when you meet a celebrity you love and they turn out to be less than what you expected. It's interesting to see this crossover into the blogosphere. I think the impact is actually a lot stronger because we almost expect fave celebs to be different then how we dreamed, but with blogging we genuinely assume we know them better because we're reading about their lives every day. How are we to assume otherwise?
Although I agree 'we are who we are', I think if you're a particularly prominent blogger, you have to keep in mind that you're putting a particular personality out there and it's what readers expect to see. If it's different, well I guess they need to be ready for some heavy criticism and on a much more personal scale than the tabloids. Of course, I'm not saying that makes it right.