Some tips for NYC tourists. Seriously.

Silent Rave in Union Square

Things like Silent Raves are what remind me why I live in NYC.  Yes, I do need reminders.  Usually I'm grumbling about the rudeness of strangers, the MTA's douchbaggery and my commute to work through Times Square *shiver*.

When you come to NYC for the first time, I insist you go to the places off the beaten path.  I wouldn't consider Union Square to be "off the beaten path" really, but I can say with confidence it's not a big tourist trap, not like Times Square...or Herald Square...or Square Square.  What?

Just do your research before you come, there's always something going on.

That being said, here are some tips for when you decide to come to the city and insist on sticking to your tourist meccas like Times Square.  And this is from a NYer who has to travel through your sacred ground 6 days a week during prime time.

1.  For the love of everything holy DO NOT STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK!  I'm so serious.  Cut it out. Just stop it. STOP IT!  You have to treat the busier streets of NY just like a road.  Imagine there are cars on all sides of you and if you stop.... WHAM!! 

2. If you don't know where you're going, just ask.  Yeah, most of us are assholes but we LOVE to show off that we know where everything is and can tell you the best way to get there. Also, this will keep you from STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK to look all over the place as if some kind of sign will drop down out of the sky saying "This way!"

3. Off-Broadway is perfectly legit and filled with just as many superstars as it's big sister, Broadway.  Oh, and it's WAY cheaper.  Stop going to see Mamma-Mia every time you visit and try out a smaller space for a change.  Did you know the only difference between an Off-Broadway and a Broadway show is the number of seats?  Also, when you go to the theater it will keep you from STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK!

4.  Beach umbrellas are not the same thing as rain umbrellas, period.  I know we NYers gripe about this a lot but I can't even count how many times I have actually been poked in the eye by some jerk who A. was carrying the one umbrella to rule the world, B. refused to raise it as they passed other pedestrians or C. STOPPED SUDDENLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK.

We know we need you tourists.  We really do. I can't even imagine this place without a balance of grumpy full-timers and happy-go-lucky visitors.  A sorry thought indeed. 

Just don't be an idiot.

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I am basically a tourist myself, since I have only been here for 2 years and reside in the 'burbs, but I totally despise the sopping in the middle of the sidewalk thing. For goodness sakes, I had a stroller and still I managed to stay to the side when I had to stop, but kept having to tell my husband and my mom to GET OFF THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK!! At one point I told my mom, who told me I was being a drama queen "seriously mom, if you keep this up someone will actually hit you soon. and then you are on your own." she thought I was just being neurotic and obnoxious. which, to her defense, I can be. But I couldn't find a way to convey to her that she has to GET THE HECK OFF THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK!!

Hahaha, you are soooo not a tourist once you recognize this unwritten rule. I truly amazes me how clueless people can be about this. I mean, just look around, right?

I gotta say though, when I'm in a foul mood, nothing soothes me more than bowling for tourists with my elbows. Shhhhhh.

agreed on all counts, and as an addendum to the sidewalk rule - DO NOT STOP ON OR NEAR SUBWAY STEPS. fer cryin out loud. and try and keep to the right if you insist on MOSEYING. ugh, the moseying.

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