When the fella and I started dating, one of the first things I told him was:
"I do not cook."
He responded "That's okay, I do." Then suddenly I had images in my head of us living together happily ever after because FINALLY I had found someone who wouldn't let me starve. Priorities people.
You might be thinking "But Ry, he's been gone since May, not to return until August! Whatever will you do?"
Trust me, the day he left I was like "Of course I'll miss you! I'm going to freakin' starve for the next 4 months! WAIT! Think this over!" and he was all "Eat my dust!" and I was all "It tastes like Ramen!"
And it did. I ate Ramen more than a couple times a week for the month of May. Hey, atleast I was eating. I could have been lying on the kitchen floor crying "Why? WHY!" while eyeballing the cat food.
Part of my problem is that I am incredibly impatient and a mega-multitasker. MEGA. Like, while I'm writing this blog I'm re-heating my coffee (cause otherwise I'd stare at the microwave waiting) and in between thoughts I'm working on my drawing project.
Plus, I only cook when I'm starving. I sit here and procrastinate until it's too late and it's either cook or eat my foot. Considering I walk barefoot in a house that 2 men and 2 cats also inhabit, I figure cooking FTW.
So I've had to improvise a little and come up with a couple of surefire 10 minute 'recipes' that I can easily multitask into my day and eat freakin' right away or someone's going to get hurt. Seriously, I'm still learning how to use this knife!
oh, before i go on, i meant to take a picture of the recipe you're about to laugh your way through, but i totally forgot because i was HUNGRY. so instead you get a picture of my chipped plate.
The "Recipe"
Okay, this one might sound weird to you but I'm the kind of gal that can eat appetizers/hors'devours like they're a meal. If you let me, I'll eat the entire plate of whatever that is wrapped in bacon for dinner. So my first meal is one of my favorite appetizers: Bruschetta.
First of all, it's CHEAP. At most grocery stores you can get a roll of Italian or French bread (or even Portuguese which is my fave) for around 89 cents. Then I just have to snag some tomatos because I usually have the rest at home.
Those fancy people who write recipes will tell you it's gotta be a certain way. Not me! I'm all about improvisation because, in case you missed it, I DO NOT COOK! (until I have to).
So grab some tomatoes, any kind as long as they're, y'know, red. I've even made this with cherry tomatoes. If I'm using those regular sized tomatoes I usually use two. You know, the ones that are the size of a baseball. Not a softball, a baseball. Otherwise, I just guess.
Then, of course you need the bread that I already mentioned, olive oil (I use extra virgin), fresh garlic (my market offers cloves already taken apart, I don't even have to peel the damn garlic. See? Impatient), balsamic vinegar and if you want to get fancy, you can add some chopped up basil. I usually forget this at the store. Oh, and an unused paint brush. Okay fine, if you actually have one of those cooking brushes you can use that. Whatever.
So this is how I make it in order for everything to time out just right and I don't spend any moments waiting, because really, that's key.
First put a pot of water on to boil. This is for the tomatoes, I'll explain later.
While you're waiting for it to boil, slice your bread, however much you want. Since this is a freakin' meal for me, I usually cut about 10 slices and put them on a pizza tray, cookie sheet or tin foil. This is where I get all fancy and cut them on a diagonal because, y'know, presentation. Brush olive oil on one side of the bread and flip it over, olive oil side facing down.
I now set the bread aside and pre-heat the oven. I dunno, 400 or something? I just make it up. Is it hot enough to crisp some bread? Great, perfect.
Okay, now chop up the garlic. Or I guess "mince" is the oh-la-la word. Set it aside. Do the same with the basil if you chose to use it.
Your water is boiling now. If it isn't, well shit, you messed up and you'll have to wait. Put the tomatoes in the boiling water for about 20-30 seconds, you should see the skin start to peel back. This is the goal.
Take them out and please try not to burn yourself. I swear, if I had a nickel.
Put the bread in the oven.
Peel the skin off the tomatoes and dice em up. Not too much here, we're going for chunky, not sauce.
Throw the tomatoes, garlic and basil in a bowl. Add about a tablespoon of olive oil and a few dashes of the balsamic vinegar. This is when I get all chefy on your ass and I totally wing it. A dash here, a dash there. Voila!
Stir it up. Almost done!
Check on the bread, if it's crispy on the top side, you're good to go. Take it out and flip the slices over. The olive oil should have kept the other side pretty moist. Sometimes that doesn't work out exactly as planned because, I'm me, and it gets a little crispy. No worries, the topping will help that out.
Now just scoop all that stuff I told you to mix together on top of the olive oil side of the bread.
EAT!
I have a couple others and I'll be more than willing to share, but after reading this over, this is probably my one and only foray into recipe writing. I can only hope that I helped a few starving gals out there who's boyfriends might have left them for dead too.
Nice to find another woman who hates to cook. I also made this point very clear to my husband when we first started dating and after almost 12 years, he still whines! I did warn him.
The recipe sounds good...but I'm too impatient to make it.
Yeah,it's funny how easily forget. I also warned him that I'm nuts but did he heed my warning? Nooooooo. Now he's all "Why are you so crazy?" and I just roll my eyes.
It is good and even though it's pretty easy, I always wish it would just magically appear. Thankfully the fella returns in a little less than a month.
1 word for you... soup
make a lot. in one pot. eat it for days.
best part is you can multi-task while you cook it.
This post pretty much sums up my relationship with food.
hahahah ramen flavored dust. goodness i cant wait for the fella to come back so we can have a good ol fashioned spaghetti and meatball night. or burrito night. remember those? mmmmm. funny how when hes gone they transform into pizza night.
in the meantime i highly recommend amy's microwavable enchilada meals. tastes great, less filling!
no, really. less filling.