Recently in Writing Category

Today I got word that my job will probably not be needing me for the first show of the season, the one I was counting on to pay the rent. My immediate response was total relief, followed by surprise since my normal reaction would be total panic.

You hear a lot about people who quit jobs to persue their life's dream. I have it pretty good. I get a long break between shows so there's no reason to quit just yet, unless you include my lack of enthusiasm, and the 18 hour days for 3 weeks straight that keep me from doing the things I love. Then I start to fall slowly into a steaming pile of guilt. Then I get grumpy and no one likes to work with a grump. Nevermind the confidence I need to muster in order to make a decsion like that.

So here lies the pickle. Do I take it as some kind of sign that I should keep plugging away here on the blog and consider the extra couple of months as a blessing? Do I panic and find other work? Should I beg the fella to find some high paying gig and take care of little ol' me?

That last one was funny.

When am I being too hopeful? When do I need to be "realistic"? Maybe I am being realistic! Maybe I am supposed to take a longer break. Maybe I'm just over thinking the entire thing.  Maybe I'm just telling myself what I want to hear.

I think the most important thing I have to keep in mind is how I reacted. Why is it that instead of total shock and disappointment, I felt more like I was freed from impending doom?

All I'm certain of is the happiness with what I'm doing right now. That's the point, isn't it? To really love what you do because we are what we do, right? Or did someone extremely wealthy coin that phrase?

I love being home. I love making my own schedule. I love my coffee, my desk, my books, my drawing. I love the struggle.

I do. I love to struggle. Not financially, but with my work. I need to work hard or I feel completely useless. All my young adult life, when I was being prepped for the real world, the number one thing I was told over and over is to be ready to work from the bottom. This excites me. I enjoy working for a higher goal. The difference now is that it's mine , not someone else's. As previously discussed, this is the hard part.

So what I have learned? I want to be my boss. Now if only my boss would tell me what to do next.

I have something to confess. This is what I want to do. 

It's hard to admit that.  Especially in a world where just about anyone can write a blog and be noticed. So what makes me so special?

I'm not a mommy blogger, nor do I ever intend to be. I'm not a total tech geek, though sometimes I wish I was, and I'm not selling anything fancy, not yet at least. 

In fact, this has sort of been my problem all along.  I'm not one of those lucky people who was born with a particular passion in life. I mean sure, I want to write, but what about?  I'm more of a passionate dabbler. I find that I actually learn the most from other people's obsessions.

When I meet someone so into with what they do, I can't help but latch on to the energy.  Their love makes me want to know more.  And it's all about meeting them. I can't just read it in a book, see it online or hanging on a wall.  I need to feel the emotion up close, hear the excitement in their voice.

For example, recently I was invited to an art opening over in the village.  It was a small gallery and as I suspected,  mostly filled with art that made me think "Really?  Can't my cat do that?" In fact, I was with Gypsy at the time and I do believe his direct quote was, "Is that a cat toy?"

So we're joking around under our breath when suddenly we were introduced to one of the artists.  This was his first exhibit in New York and he was so excited.  I mean beaming!  His attitude completely turned me around and on to his work.  I even told him that if I had the (ridiculous) $5,000, I would buy his installment.

You know what? I totally meant it.  I would have bought it not because I thought it was this remarkable piece of work, but because of the impression he left on me.  His attitude stands out in a world where most ooze a sense of entitlement. In my mind, this is the mark of true passion.

So where does this leave me?  Well after some deep thought it has become clear that I am passionate about finding my passion.  I may not know exactly what it is yet but I do know that I want to find it.  So this is my goal.

I guess that's been the idea behind this whole life changing experience in the first place.  It just took me this long to really start piecing it together.

Here's to one more step forward.

So, what's your passion?

I took the photo above at Prospect Park in Brooklyn.  In this post it represents a moment of reflection because I am profound like that.

Some are old. Some are new. Some are barely touched. Some are full to the last page. Some are missing. Some are gone forever.  All of them are me.

Sometimes I have to look back in order to see what's ahead more clearly.  Today I looked back in the best way I know how. My journals.

I went in with the intention of finding some inspiration today. I guess you could say I got it in spades.  I found my entry for September 10, 2001.  I didn't even know I had written anything that day. 

It's nothing substantial really, except for the date.  I was sitting at an outdoor cafe before work, drinking coffee and watching early morning Manhattan pass me by.   I had just moved there days before and was on my first big NYC theater job.

When I read it, I wanted to reach out and tell that person they'll never be the same.  I wanted to tell her when she gets to work the next day, she'll be growing up fast. She'll gain a new outlook on life.  Everything will seem much shorter and most importantly, completely different.

Then I really start to think about it. Every journal feels like the beginning and end of a different side of me. The only constant is that I still write about it.  I always write about it.  I wouldn't really call it an escape like some do, it's more like a bunch of little 'come to jesus' meetings with my future self.  Reminding me who I was, what I do, who I wanted to be and who I've become. 

Today I am reminded that I am whoever I want to be, so long as I keep learning, keep writing and keep exploring.

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

So, how about you? Ever take a look back at yourself and find something surprising?

Originally uploaded by RGP

I've been rather hard on myself lately, trying not to think things like "I suck" but as you know, being a human being, this is no small feat.  So I am reminding myself of the little moments that made me feel...kinda good about myself.

Back in college I was forced to take acting classes in order to finish out my major, Arts Management. A secret part of me loved this but the rest of me absolutely hated the idea.  In one particular class, we were told to get into groups, sit in a circle and tell the others what we thought about them. Lucky me, I got stuck in a group with a girl I absolutely hated. I mean hated. Top to bottom. Left to right. Big boobs and all, I couldn't stand her.  We had this ridiculous fight about a guy when she first arrived at the school as a freshman.  I didn't know her at all except that she was trying to steal my man of the week.

So here I am, sitting on the floor of the theater staring at a group of my peers... and this girl,  and we're told to tell everyone in the pow-wow what we thought of them when we met.

Of course my brain said: "Hmm, let me think, when I first saw you I wanted to rip out your little blond hairs one by one, kick you in the boobs and throw a football at your button nose just like in the Brady Bunch. Was that Jan or Marsha? Doesn't matter 'cause you look like Cindy."

But I didn't get to go first, she did.

And what did she say about me?

"You intimidate me."

I would have fallen over from the impact if I wasn't already sitting on the floor. 

At first I was pissed. How dare you call out my badassedness in front of all these...peers.  Then I chewed on it for a second and realized, I loved it. It was the best thing anyone could have ever said.  Beneath this hard exterior of mine, I'm just as much of a wuss as everyone else and of course would love a little validation. Well, I got it.  I mean, she went ahead and juiced up my ego with about a gallon of Red Bull.

I quietly rejoiced, checked my face to make sure I wasn't showing it on the outside and then made up a little dance that I would do later in the privacy of my dorm room.

Then, naturally, reality came rushing back.  Now I have to say something nice about her.

Sorry to disappoint, but honestly, I don't remember what I said that day. I do know this, we eventually became friends. I know, big surprise, I made up with the girl who (I was convinced) pretty much worshiped the ground I walked on cause, y'know, I'd intimidated her into submission.

Oh, and she eventually came out of the closet which was a double victory because that guy I was seeing earlier in this story? I got rid of him and now she would have nothing to do with him either. Oh the hilarity.

How about you? Ever become friends with someone you hated at first? Or more specifically, because they made you feel like a badass?

I believe in signs. Well, I believe that when you notice a theme popping up in your every day life, it's usually a pretty good idea to pay attention to it and assess the situation.  (Do you hear Dane Cook in your head when you read "assess the situation? If so, we are insta-friends.)

I've had a few lately but the most obvious of all is distraction. Holy crap am I distracted. Today I even sat and stared at nothing. Nothing distracts me! 

Seriously. It started when I was watching a film the other day about a writer who locks himself in his apartment without his television or stereo, etc. It works and he gets his script written. Oh, he also dies but that's beside the point.

The point is, it got me thinking.  As I turned on another movie I thought "Hey, maybe I am distracting myself too much."  I don't even know what the next movie I watched was because I was too distracted about being distracted. I wish I was kidding.

So I left my little office, cleaned off the kitchen table and sat myself out there for awhile with my sketchbook.  The walls are nice in there. I hung some flowers there awhile ago and they're all dried out and crispy.  Maybe I should take those down. You know what? I don't think we need all these placemats on the table. Maybe I should stack them up in a neat pile.  That's better.  Man this table really needs to be wiped down...

SHIT!

I was going to tell you about that photograph up there but I got...y'know. It's a geode my cousin gave me for my birthday.  I just found out today that it's actually meant, spirtually speaking, to cleanse the mind, relax and bring on the creativity.  Also happens to be a Gemini crystal.  Seriously folks, signs. They're everywhere.

 What about you? Had any signs lately? Or perhaps some serious distractions?

Lately I've been a little more Daft and a little less Art.  This is fine but I'd really like to try and even out the roller coaster. 

Part of what I want to do is display more of my 365 project.  That's what really got the whole ball rolling for Arts & Dafts. I used to display every single doodle. I probably won't do that any more but you can still see them in my flickr set.  Instead, I'll be showcasing the drawings I like best.

Another idea I'd like to incorporate is an Etsy day where I highlight a particular Etsy page that caught my eye.

Last, a little more discussion on the growth I'm going through and how this entire project has changed my life and state of mind.

Right now I'm in a writing phase. If you've been reading for a while, you know I go through what I call "creative phases". One week I'm all about drawing, the next it's photographs, then suddenly I get the urge to knit, etc. The difficulty with a writing phase is how high I set the bar. It's unlike any of the others. I feel the overwhelming desire to add wit to every day happenings, to tell the whole story but without overdoing it like I tend to do and most of all, catch the readers attention even when discussing the mundane. 

Writing, to me, has always been at the forefront of everything I do. It's the one and only thing that I can say I've been doing since I was a small child.  I still have a bunch of my old stories and I may share some here sometime.

So in this project of growth over the last 6 months, what have I learned about my writing?  That I am capable.  I can write something people want to read. I can do it without infusing my truckers mouth into every single sentence and by golly, I can be a little funny sometimes.

Confidence has been the number one lesson of this entire process. I have gained it, found new parts about myself that I appreciate and I have learned how very important it is.  It's slowly starting to bleed into how I think about everything from my appearance to how I deal with people who are trying to jerk me around.  Not long ago, I might sit back and say "Yes Sir" while thinking "fuck you sir" . Now, I'm no longer accepting of injustices in my daily life. 

Geez, that sounds so dramatic.

So, here's to yet another phase and hopefully a little more insight into the creative madness called my life.

Now that I'm really committed to this whole blog thing, I realized I need to clean up my about page. I wrote WAY too much in there which is something I tend to do. You see, I'm one of those joke tellers who will explain the punchline...and heck, probably even everything leading up to it, therefore making it completely unfunny.  It's pretty much the same thing here. I just want it to be clear to everyone who reads this blog that yes, I am a scatter brain, I go through creative phases on a week by week basis and now I want to commit to that. Oh hey, that was pretty short, maybe I should use that for the new about?

Anyhow, I can't just delete the old about so I decided to post it here.  Don't worry, there's no punchline...at least not yet.

I've just turned 30 years old and to me (and most who share this fate) this is a major milestone. Yes, it is a big deal! And anyone who tells you otherwise is kidding themselves.  I'm not saying it's a bad big deal, no! It's to be celebrated! It's the first birthday I've ever had where I feel something different. A change in my life.

Ever since I was a kid, Ive been fixing my toys, drawing, learning new crafts and most of all I have had the most overactive imagination I have ever come to know. I remember quite clearly, as if it happened yesterday, getting a barbie at the store one day. Her head fell off when we got home. Instead of pitching a fit (don't think for even a second that I never pitched fits, on the contrary), I put the barbie's decapitated head on the floor and said "I'm swimming! I'm swimming!" You probably had to be there, but I can still hear my mom cracking up.

Through college and now in my later twenties, I seem to have lost touch with my wild imagination. I've still had outlets (although limited) in my career choice of backstage theatre, however, I couldn't help but notice how mundane my every day thoughts were becoming. Stress was taking over and I was turning into one of those obnoxious, complain all the time adults. Eeeeew!

I had an actual epiphany at work one night. A real live one. One where I got caught up in a stare with a blank wall and I realized "Holy crap! I can't live like this anymore!" I don't thrive on stress anymore, I ache from it. I'm tired from it.

Super long story made a little less long, Ive made some big changes in my life. One of my biggest problems is starting a project and finishing it (any true Geminis out there will understand). Therefore, my new year's resolution (which I never make by the way) was to draw a picture, doodle, painting, whatever, every single day for one year. Drawing, to me, is inspirational and get's that imaginative part of my brain back on track. I am no artist in comparison to my mother, but I think I know my way around a piece of paper and a pen. It has truly opened up my mind to view things, regular every day things, in a brand new light. This excites me to no end and I am terrified of losing this feeling.

Here I will display those every day doodles, my photographs, my crafts, other people's crafts, tutorials, my rants and raves and every day weirdness.  Anything that's creative because if you're daft like me, there's no concentrating on a sole medium or craft or thought. There's too much out there to do and see and I want it all.

See? I wasn't kidding! Long 'effing winded! My mom has always said I'm a talker.
 

Originally uploaded by RGP

Let me start by saying that I don't believe in superstitions but I do believe in traditions. This is particularly unusual because I work in theater where we have a plethora of superstitions. In fact, part of my job is pretending I care because some actors are so into it that it will ruin their show if you cross a superstitious line. Seriously.

"Rabbit Rabbit" has somehow stuck with me throughout the years and although I don't necessarily believe it will actually provide me with good luck, I feel like I've broken tradition if I don't say it first thing on the 1st of the month. However, most of the time I just plain forget.

Annie mentioned last night that she was curious about the origin so I thought I would look it up. Unfortunately it's not certain when exactly it started, but there are "some reports" that it began as early as the 1200s. Of course, this is just a sentence I read somewhere (*cough* Wiki) and could be total bogus but on the other hand, it's not all that surprising.

Naturally, with every tradition (superstition), there's a zillion ways to say it and just as many different consequences. Ours is pretty simple, saying "Rabbit Rabbit" first thing on the 1st = good luck for the month. Some say it three times, others say "White Rabbit".

Then there's the before and afters like saying "Tibbar Tibbar" before you go to bed and then "Rabbit Rabbit" when you get up. There is also saying "Rabbit Rabbit" to another person before they say it to you and you get all of their luck as well, leaving them with nothing. I kinda like that one, it's harsh and I'm always up for a challenge.

So the basic idea of the whole thing? You are hopping forward into the new month or year and yada yada yada, good luck.

Like I said, I don't believe in superstition but I surely do believe in the power of the mind. I think that if someone believes whole-heartedly in something, it will most certainly effect them.  So me, I just try to stay as positive as I can.  Wow, that was hard to type with a straight face.

So, how do you say it?

For the last month or so I've been having  a little sleep problem. No, it's not insomnia, sleep apnea, RLS (although I have that but don't admit it anymore since they gave it a name) or any of that. No, what I suffer from is wake-up calls I never asked for.  The primary cause has been the phone. I now turn them off but occasionally I forget and of course on those days, it always rings.

Then there's those special days where I'm woken up by sounds you really only get woken up to in Brooklyn like the domino players across the street.

You should know that it's not really a street I live on, it's a court.  This is not your usual country court with a roundabout at one end and a decent amount of space between houses. It's more of a driveway that just ends against a brick wall with about 20, 3 apartment brownstones all crammed against eachother. Romantic and kinda pretty at first glance, until you realize you can see and hear everything that everyone does.

The domino guys? Now that was pretty cool for the first few weeks. I thought "Oh cool, just like the movies." You know what though? They play all day, every single day, and into the night.  Some people get birds, others trains and some the "chirp chirp" of crickets and peepers. Me? I get the sound of dominoes being shaken in a bag, violently I might add, every 10 minutes or so. Oh, and did you know when you play a domino, apparently you have to SLAM IT THE HELL DOWN on the table? Seriously, every domino. You gotta SLAM it!

One morning, the day before my birthday, it was fireworks coming from the apartment complex down the street. Seriously, fireworks.

This morning? Well, the phone is what woke me which is what makes the guy not seen in the photo above, a very very lucky man. If it wasn't for the phone, I might have jumped out the window, onto his head and started beating him with dominoes, because I am convinced that even those laid back fellas would have helped me.  Apparently, it's neither impolite or unreasonable to GRIND METAL off the window below my bedroom at 9:30am on a Saturday.  Sure!  Why not?

I miss the winter when all of our windows were closed and people didn't do stuff outside.

All week I've been angry with myself for not posting and all week I've been trying to figure out why. I worry about crossing too many boundaries and becoming confusing to the "reader". That's you by the way.  Then I remember that's kinda the whole point of this space.  I AM confusing. I've never been easy to figure out, especially to myself.  One week my obsession is with photography, the next it's with drawing and then the next it's with just watching t.v.  That's how I roll and that's why it's called Arts and Dafts.

The funniest part about it?  One of my biggest pet peeves on earth is when I'm working and the objective is clear but somebody (usually a hard headed man, sorry fellas) has to "talk it out." Often I find myself wasting time, standing around and listening to someone go on and on and on about which rope we should use and how to tie the knot, etc when really, you just gotta get up there and do it.

Now I need to apply the rule to myself. Just sit down and do it.  I'm afraid my addiction to twitter has kept me from posting some stuff that could be posted so I'm going to fix that too. If I can twit it, I can blog it. Right?

Well it's over. Finally. I am now officially taking a 2 month break from "real life" to concentrate on...fake life?  We closed the show last night to a packed house and it was a great run but man are we thrilled it's done.

Now here I am, stuck in a rut. It's not the normal kind of rut, it's the kind where there are so many things swimming around in my head I'm not entirely sure what to concentrate on. I'm drawing every day and getting my photographic groove back and trying trying trying to come up with something to write (other than a blog that is). Now, I know I am capable of handling all this but I can't help but worry I've been off the radar for so long that I'm starting from scratch. I worked so hard from  January to the end of April and them WHAMMO, everything was set on hold while I ran that damn show.

I am thankful for it in a way because it opened up my eyes even wider to my goals. I genuinely want to spend every day writing, drawing, photo..ging? and all sorts of other creativey things.  Look, I'm even making up words! What a wild and crazy imagination I have!

I am surrounded by lists of ideas, dreams, hopes and groceries. Okay, that's a lie. I never make grocery lists. I'm one of those picky sales shoppers who wanders every aisle. This is reason #1 why the boy and I no longer go food shopping together. Yes, there are more reasons that involve unnecessary fighting over sales, generic v. name brand and "really? another frozen pizza?" but I digress.

So on to the next step in my life. We shall call it.....PHASE TWO! Muuuuhahahaha.

And me. Tomorrow we're both....30.

• I am THIRTY.
• Oh, hello, I'm 30 years old.
• How old am I? How old are YOU sir!
• A lady never tells her age.
• I am 3 decades old.
• I am no longer in my 20s.

It's true, Garfield and I share the same exact birthday. I like to think I am older though since I popped out around 2a.m. and seeing as how Garfield is famous for his laziness, I'm sure he didn't get up until noon.  I bet my mom roller her eyes when she read "popped out."

Do kids today even know who Garfield is? Did I just say "kids today"? Am I allowed to say that now?

So tomorrow I will be older and wiser, right? I will wake up with the secret, sacred knowledge that only those who have made it to the 30 year mark are allowed to have.  Is there hazing involved? Am I the only one excited about this? Geeeeez.

How am I celebrating? Let's see, I'll treat myself to a delicious cup of coffee when I wake up in the morning, no doubt having been woken up by a phone call or perhaps fireworks.  Then I will sit down at my computer and relax until it's time to go to work. Oh...shit. That's every day.

Well, only a few more hours of my 20s. Better go out and do something reckless and stupid while it's still socially acceptable.

Who am I kidding? Anyone?

Originally uploaded by RGP

So it's no mystery, I have been in a sort of lull lately. It's not one of those lulls where I drop everything and say screw it, no no. It's more one of those "what is the next effing step?!!?" lulls.

Okay, "lull" just lost it's meaning.

I've reached a sort of cross roads. I need to dive head first into my writing, drawing, photography, etc and really commit to this whole project or consider my options with a full time job...or just keep doing what I'm doing.

What's my goal? To be creative full time. This is for sure. What's holding me back? The non-creative side of my brain. The side that says "Yes, but how will you pay the bills sweetie?". I hate that side. I have been slowly poisoning it with positive thoughts and pencil drawings, but the process is slow and excruciating. Also, I'm pretty sure anyone with a strong creative side knows that pushing positive thoughts on yourself is like trying to convince a parent that heroin is good for their baby.

I think that bizarre comparison just came from my "creative" side.

I am particularly lucky. After next week I will have almost 2 entire months to throw myself into my craft, whatever that is, full time. I have saved enough for the rent, now I just hope I saved just enough sanity (or is it insanity?) to actually create and come up with some good ideas.

Here's hoping!

Originally uploaded by RGP

Some tips for boys...specifically boys who have been in a relationship for quite sometime.

1. Get excited for crying out loud! If we tell you something we are clearly excited about, please know that "Oh, cool." simply does not cut it. Period.

2. Just because I don't particularly enjoy chatting on the phone is by no means an excuse for you not to call and say goodnight. Expect to be on the crappy end of the silent treatment for awhile. P.S. texts stating that you are going to bed soon do not count.

3. If we're feeling down, there is really only one appropriate response. "Oh darling, I'm so sorry. That truly sucks and you are so right." Do not stray from this response and by no means try to "fix" the situation. You will only make it worse. I promise. It's for your own good.

4. No, I do not want you to bring home that stray dog. And please, stop asking and pretending you're joking. I know you want to bring it home and my answer still hasn't changed.

5. No, you are not stealthy, you are a guy. I'm sorry but it's not in your genes. Yes, we can tell when you've been drinking a little too much, even over the phone.

With all that said, we love you (God knows why) and we just don't want to see you get hurt. That's why we tell you these things in advance. It's up to you now.
 

Originally uploaded by RGP

Alright, no more excuses! I finally have my life back, rehearsals are over and my schedule is completely back to normal. So what's with my lack of motivation? Why can I still not seem to pull my head outta my butt and get to typin'?

I guess I'm still just settling in. I don't ever want to be away from my blog, photos and drawings for this long again. I feel like I made a lot of progress and then just threw it all out the window in a month. I'm not ready for ANOTHER clean slate, I was just starting to draw on my new one.

Anyhow, hopefully this will mark the last of my so-busy-with-work excuse posts. Time to kick it back into high gear!

Originally uploaded by RGP

When I started this creative journey of mine, I have to tell you, I honestly had no idea how much joy, happiness and fulfillment it would bring me. I mean, I always knew it would be a positive adventure, but nothing as amazing as it's been in such a short time.

First, as I've mentioned briefly before, I have met some absolutely amazing, creative and wonderful people. This is bigger for me than it sounds. I tend to be only surrounded by the people I work with because of the hours we spend together, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but a girl's gotta expand her horizons sometime. For some reason, until now, I've always been somewhat shy online, which is really odd, especially considering I was online long before most people even knew it existed. I just can't bring myself to put on a mask when I'm logged on. I'm always me, that's just how it is. But in the last few months I've opened up more and it's really paid off. The people I have "met" have been inspirational, funny, comforting and kind. Since I've been somewhat away the last few weeks, I have missed them dearly.

Second, I have truly seen myself grow as an artist. And I'm not just talking about skill here, I'm talking about my imagination expanding and appreciating new things. I see things a little more clearly and my thoughts tend to be a tad less scattered. I've actually stopped worrying so much which, you gotta believe me, is a HUGE feat.

And now, the biggest compliment and accomplishment I've ever had, the picture in this post. You may remember this drawing from my doodle a day for a year project. A bunch of the ladies I "hang" with online really loved it which was enough to make me happy, but then one of the gals (zoogal to be specific) actually had it tattooed on her back (as you can see). This is gigantic for me. More than even she may realize. I've had a lot of friends in the tattoo industry and have always admired and envied the ability to give someone a piece of art forever and ever.

Honestly, it touches me so much I could cry a little. But I'm not going to because my head is so stuffed, I'll regret it later. Oh, btw, that's why I've been so quiet lately....warding off a terrible head cold as well as battling the ridiculous work hours.

Anyhow, to Zoogal and all of my friends online, you mean more to me than you know and I am grateful to have met you and look forward to sharing many more days with you! Cheers!

Originally uploaded by RGP

Okay, so I haven't blogged all week. Let me explain myself.

So my "day job" as you may already know, is being a theater technician. This used to mean load ins (putting up the set for a show) or load outs (taking down a set) and the occasional show to run. In the last two years I have been lucky enough to work for a venue rather than as a freelancer. This means that they keep me around as their "Deck Carpenter" to run shows backstage. I am ever so grateful because one of the hardest parts to being a theater tech are those weeks or months of no work at all. Now I'm fairly confident that every few months I'll be on a new show.

There is a lot to getting a show viewable for an audience, and this is by far the hardest part of any technicians job. Of course, the very first step doesn't involve me (unless I'm a stage manager which I do as well at times) which is the rehearsal process. This usually means the cast, director and stage managers are in a rehearsal hall somewhere, learning the script, blocking and choreographing while the set is being loaded into the theater. The next step to any show's life is the hardest, whether it lasts a day or a week. It's called "tech". Often referred to as hell week.

When running a regular, equity show, we can have up to 5 "10 out of 12s). Well, the 10 really only applies to the actors because they are under a certain contract where their time is limited. However, the techies often come in hours in advance to take care of notes and cleaning before the tech rehearsal begins.

What is technical rehearsal? It's when all the actors, designers, directors, stage managers and technicians join together for the first time and start to add all the technical elements to the show. What are the technical elements? Lights, sound, props, set pieces, costumes and sometimes pyrotechnics, sfx and a band. We pick up from the top of the show and usually hold every new pose the actors make for what seems like ages while the designers get all the lights right, sounds right, etc.

As an example, this current show I'm working on, Act I took 4 days and Act II took 2. We had 5 days of 10 out of 12s which meant we left at 1130. Then after that, we worked mostly the same hours but had to be released at 10pm

So as you can see....long days. From May 1st to today, we worked every day (except Monday) all day. I left my apartment around 10 every morning and got home around 1230am. It is truly exhausting and all we can do is hope and pray that audiences actually appreciate and enjoy the show we put so much time, love and drama into. Yeah, drama, I won't even bother getting into that now.

Just don't forget that all of us are in pretty tight quarters and forced to be around each other all day, every day except when we're home sleeping. Naturally there will always be someone who doesn't get along with someone else, then add the exhaustion/stress factor.

So anyhow, this is why every now and then, for about a week or maybe more, I completely fall of the radar. I do bring my computer with me to work which does allow me to do things like flickr, blog, etc, however, we all often find ourselves either waiting for a cue all day which means you can't get distracted, or so tired that doing something like typing up a blog entry sounds like climbing Mt. Everest.

So please forgive me every few months when I have to disappear like this. Granted, not every show is as difficult as this one, but most techs are just a pain in the ass, no matter how simple the show.

We're done with tech rehearsals now and had our first audiences this weekend for previews. BUT... until we open the show in June, we still have rehearsal every single day. So I'll still be at work every day, however it should be far less hectic.

Whew.

Oh, and check out the photo above to learn more!

I know I haven't been very active lately but it's been a very long week. Seriously, one of the longest weeks ever.

First of all, that job I was worrying about? I got it! So for once I can rest a little easier when it comes to my income for the summer.  The pay isn't amazing but it's more about the freedom of the job.  I can basically do it while I blog, draw, flickr...whatever!  I'll tell you more about that some other time.

Other big news this week, my fella (seen above) left for 4 months today. Loooong time. It sucks but at the same time, it's really just part of our lives.  We both work in theater and know that sometimes that means we have to go wherever the job takes us. In this case, it's down south to the Lost Colony where he's worked 22 seasons.  He grew up down there so he's been in the show off and on since he was 11 years old. 

Good news is, he finally got a cell phone. In past years where he's gone down there, I had to wait for him to call me from his office, which meant scheduled phone calls basically.  I hate the phone and the only thing I hate more than the phone is scheduling a conversation on one. Just ew.

AND in other news, the tech rehearsal portion of my next show has begun.  I am currently working on Saved the Musical.  It's based off the film Saved and so far, from what I've seen of it, it's going to be a blast.  I think it's a definite hit!  

Back to work! More later when my brain has rolled back into normal land.

Originally uploaded by RGP

I'm going though one of those obsessed phases I seem to go through every few weeks or so and man it's driving me nuts. Never have I been more aware of myself.

Here I am, trying to take photographs, blog and get drawings done, but instead my brain is completely preoccupied with a potential job opportunity. Before you get all crazy, it's really not that major but the job fits me so perfectly that I will surely overreact if I don't get it. Said job will give me more freedom to do what I'm doing now by providing a second income AND it's super relaxed and done right here from home. So I won't have to take any hours away from my....photographs, blogging and drawing. You know, like I have in the last two days while I wait for a response.

So, as much patience I have learned in the last few years of my life, it's not kicking in right now and I really need it to. Every time I start to distract myself with my work here, I think 'Well, maybe I should check my email for the millionth time to see if I got a response in the last second."

I am fully aware of how ridiculous I am being, and yet I can't help myself! I guess no matter how hard you try, there are always going to be parts of yourself that you just can't make go away.

If only I would take a hint from the meerkat.
 

Originally uploaded by RGP

You should know, along with not being fair, life is bizarre as well.

First point of business, my water was out when I woke up this morning. Thanks be to brita and it's lovely ability to hold enough water to make my coffee in the a.m., no one lost their lives. Called landlord. Landlord was frazzled but friendly. Water main out. Down the street. Whole block without water. End scene.

Then it came back on and we raced (and by raced I mean I called dibs on the bathroom because I was the first one awake this morning and I'm the girl and all this means "back off punks") to use the, um, potty.

The boy and I decided to head into town for lunch together. On the way in, we heard a little yelling going on in the subway car. This is pretty normal so we completely ignored it...until I looked up and a bunch of people were kind of giggling and looking oddly worried, etc. 

Originally uploaded by RGP

Happy Earth Day everyone! Did you do anything special? I did!

Well to be honest, I had every intention of going to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens today regardless of what holiday it was, just happened to be extra special! Tuesdays are free too by the way. (It just took all my power not to type BTW there. This proves to me I have too much chat speak in my life these days).

So anyhow, earth day. What a beautiful day. It was 70 degrees, clear as a bell and breezy. I mean seriously, perfect conditions for wandering around the gardens. And to be honest with you, I am a terrible Brooklynite, this is the first time I have ever been. I have no excuse other than pure laziness but this new project I've been working on (this thing where I'm being all creative and finding my inner self and all that...stuff) has genuinely motivated me and opened up my eyes to all the things I could be missing out on.

You know why I hate sleeping? Of course you don't, you didn't know that. It's because ever since I can remember, I always felt like I was missing out on something. I mean, I don't really HATE sleeping, but when I first lay my head down on the pillow, I think about every single thing I could be doing, should have done that day, need to do tomorrow...anything other than actually falling asleep. For awhile there (the last 5 years or so?) I was just worrying about bills and all that boring adult crap that no one should ever worry about. Now I'm excited again and can't sleep because I can't wait for tomorrow and what I might get myself into...and I smack myself on the forehead for the things i missed out on (Silent Rave? Damn it!)

Right.

Anyhow, I was really proud of myself for getting off my ass, walking out the door and enjoying the gardens for a few hours today. It was a mad house to be perfectly honest, people everywhere. However, this actually really touched me. It's wonderful to see so many people gathering together to do one thing....view nature and all it's beauty. I mean, there's nothing else to do there. How often do you see a bunch of hoodlums hanging out in the Botanical Gardens? It is truly one of the few places to actually get away from the city and all it's muck. 

I charged my camera, slipped on my headphones, put on my walkin' shoes and had a wonderful afternoon. If you want to see some of what I saw, check out my flickr page. I posted a few shots today and will put up some more tomorrow.

Yeah, that's me up there with Chewie.  Chewbacca to you!  This weekend was the NYC Comic Con, a gigantic convention for....comics.  I love this stuff.  So many photo ops, so many strange things to see.  I even managed to sneak into the main floor itself.  I would have happily bought a ticket if weekends weren't my busiest time of the week (damn you theatre!) but I only had about a 2.5 hour time slot where I could walk down and check out the goings on.  My friend/coworker came along with me and we pulled the old walk in with a large crowd trick.  It was a total blast.

I haven't been around much in the last few days mainly because of a nasty sinus infection I've had.  I just can't think straight when I have them and my ear gets all plugged and I just want to bleh.  Y'know?  Thankfully, it's almost gone now.

Tonight we close the show I'm currently working on which leads me into a nice week off before I start the next one.  I can't wait to get some much needed rest and also have plenty of time to sort of set up a schedule for this blogging thing.  I hate missing more than a day or two between posts.  It really weighs on me. 

So, starting tomorrow, I'll get all my drawings scanned, get some more posts up, work on the group and generally just feel better about myself.  Word is, it's supposed to rain. This is very good news.

I've been doing a lot of thinking.  I haven't come up with many solutions but thinking is a good place to start.

I have this bizarre tendency to come up with ideas that I think are great and really excite me, then for some bizarre reason I put them off until suddenly I realize, I never did what I intended to do.  I don't know if I put it off because I'm afraid I won't execute it the way I envision it or if I just put it off because I get so excited that I don't want to be done right away.  I know that might not make any sense at all to anyone who is reading this, but somehow it makes a whole lot of sense in my brain. 

I'm one of those people that tends to battle off every day stress by having something fun to look forward to.  If I start to stress about something I say "But it's okay cause tomorrow you're going to the movies with a friend! Yay! Life is good!"  I even did it when I was a kid. If I was having a low moment I would think to myself "Oh wait!  So and so's birthday party is tomorrow!  Yay! Happy time!".

 I have the sneaking suspicion that I do the same thing with little projects and ideas.  When I come up with something to draw that excites me, or a photograph to take or a super blog entry,  I get excited because I had a stroke of creativity and imagination and I think maybe I don't like to let that feeling go.  Is this making more sense now (she asks the non-responsive internets)?

This is an old hurdle that I've finally decided to take notice of and do something about.  This makes me excited.  I hope I don't put off doing something about it, because in the end, if I don't follow through with my fun ideas, I become stressed. Aaahh, see there?  Full circle. Yeeeah.

Wait, what was I excited about?

I'm feeling good.  Really.  I feel great.  Oh man, I hope I didn't just jinx myself.

I have learned SO much in the last few months that I can hardly take it all in.  First of all, the internets are even more amazing than I once thought.  I've always been a little weird about meeting people online.  Not love matches mind you, I've had that area covered for 6.5 years now.  I'm just talking about plain old meeting people.  By nature I don't trust people very easily so when it comes to the web, I just assume everyone is donning a fake persona and I'm not really talking to who I think I'm talking to.  However, in the last 2 months on flickr, I've met some truly amazing people.  I mean, straight up inspiring and all that.

Originally uploaded by RGP

This is one of the few drawings I decided to keep up on my stream. Normally I reset the date on all of my doodles on flickr so they end up at the back of the stream. Only because I use it more as a place to show off my photographs and not my drawings. However, this one I am genuinely proud of and even more so now after the wonderful response it received.

Not only have people enjoyed viewing it, which is a true honor, but I've even had a request to use it as a tattoo which completely floors me. Never have I been asked such a thing and I would probably cry a little if they actually decided to use it. Cause you know, I can be emotional sometimes. But for the love of everything holy, don't go telling people that. I have a reputation to uphold here.

Anyhow, it's working title is Airheads (compliments of the mom unit). This drawing has taught me to relax a lot. I stare at it and see flaws, mistakes, things I could change. Others look at it and like it, think it's clean and don't point out it's ookies. This has really confirmed my belief in art being all in the eye of the beholder and also taught me to take a step back and just enjoy it for what it is. After all, when I look at other people's stuff, I never say "Hey, that eye is a little off isn't it". No, I view it for the whole. It's hard to understand that other's probably do that too.

It's true, I am my toughest critic.

Originally uploaded by RGP

Okay, first of all, I finally got around to scanning the last few doodles. It feels fantastic to be all caught up! I really..REALLY need to get off my lazy ass and do that every single day. This catching up stuff is no fun. You'd think I would have learned this lesson in grade school. Clearly this is not the case. And I'm pretty certain I still haven't learned.

If you're interested, you can view the last few doodles in the doodle a day for a year flickr set.

Now back to learning something...

Originally uploaded by RGP

So my head feels a little like this photo these days. In a rush to get somewhere but so many things are keeping me from getting there on time. But you know what? It's okay.

I'm insanely behind on my doodles a day for a year. I have become okay with this because my intention is good. I'm still taking photographs every day (which is quickly becoming my true love) and I am still doodling every day, I just haven't come around to sharing it.

Where is my time going? Well I'm really concentrated on this community we're trying to build. When I'm not taking photographs or doodling or watching the hour of tv that I seem to have got myself down to these days, I am inviting people to join our group.

So far we're up to 34 people and the amount of visits at www.coffeerooms.com is definitely picking up. These are all very good things! The hard part is getting people to talk. I haven't figured out this art yet. I know that even though it's the internets and we can "hide" ourselves, people are still a little shy. So what's the secret? Persistence? Do I keep writing in discussions and this blog even though no one is responding out loud? Will they one day? Or am I doomed to talk to myself...like I do when I'm doing the dishes?

I guess only time will tell!

Now that I wrote this blog entry, I can take one of those cars out of the traffic jam. Well, maybe half a car.

Okay, for those of you who haven't visited my photostream on flickr lately,  this Elmo shot has just recently hit the "big time".  It all started when we (the boy, a coworker and myself) took a walk between the matinée and evening performance.  The goal was to head over to Best Buy and browse around, but as luck would have it, for some reason they, and the giant Circuit City were closed that day.   Granted it was Easter, but this is NYC. I've never heard of such a thing.  So rather than wander around BB, we headed over to Bryant Park.  And to think, we would have missed this.